End of marrage or not? serious input wanted?

If you wife is not willing to work on the relationship it is time to get a divorce. I would suggest the two of you get marital/couples counseling. However, from your question it would appear she has already emotionally left the relationship. I don't think she has ever stopped contact with him. She has feelings for this man and it was unfair for her to ever marry you. For whatever reason she is into the "bad boy" image. Sorry! That is my opinion!